Tuesday 10 December 2019

The Silenced Cry

The heavy eyelids slowly closed, pondering of a memory of another. It was close to the other (during their childhood) and yet currently distant in the passage of time. A hazy bubble formed in the subconscious. It was broken in many pieces. So, now numerous bubbles than one. These haze filled bubbles were like the parts of another's memories. It was as if looking through the back side of the mirror of another. One such bubble, portrayed their early life? It was quite terrifyingly dark. The haze dissipated slightly revealing a second woman older than another. It was the mother of another and child-like another also there, as she was!! Zooming in on the bubble through the subconscious' eyelids, the visit to her child life had begun.

It was deep into the time of the silence, also known as night in this world. Varied types of breathing could be heard. Some heavy, while some calm, and some frenetic even. The small girl lay towards one of the corners of the room. Her breathing seemed controlled calm. As if, pretending to be calm. Though in between her breathing, could be heard in faint whisper or was it an internal scream? Whatever the case, the girl's talkative eyes opened up. It was looking straight at the ceiling fan (dreaded by an aura she probably felt). Her state seemed weary. Slowly she went back to the sleep state, if she could actually go back to one?

Morning light seeped in to the room. The weary girl, felt like discarding the rejuvenated feeling coming from the light. Giving herself a hopeful thought seemed not fair considering how the world worked for her. As the world was not always kind, the sun scorched her being, on top of the right shoulder. Now, a tiny dark patch had formed, she thought, when looking at her right shoulder, or was it her imagination? She got up and silently walked around the house, like one lost without care. Regardless of considering herself lost, her body subconsciously went about her daily chores, though at a meandering pace.

Meandering along into the kitchen, the mother of the girl was busy with her chores. She was trying to make up the food for her children. Her look stern for she pondered about the ignorant nonchalance of the girl. The girl was truly lost, while pondering this a very small smile came across her face but it reverted back quickly. She needs to know when not be lost!!! If only she had the ability to communicate with her own girl.

Coming back from school just past midday, the girl ran up inside straight to her room, while being wary of the ceiling fan. Enough talk on mathematics, its art time! She took out her painting board along with her paints and sat down to get lost in the world she desired. Here, she could be right at home instead of the lonely real one they called home. She painted with the colors and they were dark, light, vivid, and pale. This world was mesmerizing and her eyes were lit up completely filled with the reflection. It was but for a short while though. The artwork was taken away while being, secretly admired, and out came a study book to work on. There was no communication except for this to convey, which the girl understood.The girl silently went about her task.

The girl pushed away at the air in between and this made the eyelids shift and shake out of the current bubble. Coming out from this bubble, the eyelids went into another. This time it seemed like a party was happening outside in the open air. The teenage girl roamed around greeting and be greeted by others. Though, searching for her mother. She found her in the corner of her eye and her mother was busy talking to someone. She drew nearer and nearer to where her mother stood and she started to speak. Though, only to be shushed away into silence by her mother.

The air though flowing freshly only felt stagnant instead to her. She found a quiet place to sit and scanned the area. Keeping her talkative eyes lit and open to people around. Internally, though she was crying. It was a silent scream to nobody in particular.. though someone did hear? It was an imaginative eyelid. It seemed out of focus and hard to look at but it was there. It seemed to have been there during different parts of her life. Specifically, when she felt lonely like she was now. It was horrifying to look at, just an eyelid!? But to the girl it felt normal.. it seemed like in this putrid air of suffocation it blended just right. It did not say anything, how could it.. it didn't have any speech anyway, thought the girl, but it stayed with her during such periods and that made her awfully comfortable.

It felt as if the eyelid could see right through her sparkling eyes. into the weeping angel inside. The angel that craved for her mother with fervor but was waiting for the right chance. It was the angel that knew anger which was bubbling up inside the girl slowly but steadily. The girl was crying internally but also was getting accustomed with this new prospect: anger.

Few days passed, the eyelid hovered about (it had gone away and back a few times and sometimes, stayed even in her dreams? Weird), the girl was feeling lost out of words to convey to her mother. Only silent air breaths came out when she tried to speak. Her mother was sitting relaxing from her tiresome chores-filled day. The girl wanted to sit down and talk but the words spoken instead were not legible but just screams (from the weeping angel) for a few minutes and then she walked away to her room. Filling herself with the already stagnant silence emanating from her room and her house.

The mother, unsure of what just happened, went back to her relaxation. She did not know how to communicate with this silence and then a sudden outburst. Maybe letting the girl to herself might be the right thing to do? This had always been her choice and till now, it hadn't seem to falter in her perception. She swayed at the air as she thought she swatted a fly, only to see a floating mind-piercing eyelid vanish into nothingness.

The eyelids attached back to the sockets of the ponderer. Drops of water flowing by it now. The grown up girl whose eyelids it were pondered about as to the why of such things as she came back to her current reality. Many times has her eyelids gone across her own bubbles of journey and come across this silence. It couldn't do much than to be there and be a mute eyelid. Probably horrifying the onlooker, if someone perceived it that is....

© Aditya Subramanian, 2020

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